My Dearest WonderBoy
by Sami Lee
Summary: Implied Slash - Harry and Draco have gone their seperate ways - Draco's letter to Harry after they finish school.
1. Draco Writes a letter

Disclaimer: No names are actually mentioned, but I better do this anywho. I don't own Harry or Draco (DAMN!) JK Rowling, however, does. So I borrowed them. I gave them back, don't sue me!!! |~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |  
  
To my dearest Wonder-Boy,  
  
Hey, I was just sitting in front of my computer thinking about all the good times we had, and then realized all our old emails to each other are gone - that kinda made me sad - anyways, you probably wont get this email and I'll probably print out a copy and mail it to you and that's probably the copy your reading now. Your probably thinking wait the date on this was ages ago, or why is he bringing this up, or what the hell is wrong with this guy, why does he always type me these stupid, annoyingly long letters... Well here's why:  
  
I woke up this morning and I realized I didn't have a reason to get out of bed. I sat up, looked at my clock, looked at my schoolbooks, rolled over and went back to sleep. 10 mins later, my alarm went off again. So this time I got up, I didn't rush to get ready, I didn't look forward to going down for breakfast or feel anxious to get to potions on account of seeing the most beautiful, wonderful, lovable guy in the world... I felt a bizarre emptiness inside.  
  
Now I dunno about you, but I don't think my heart, or my mind for that matter, like being separated from you for too long, I think after a certain amount of time apart from you my whole body just stops finding reason to function and just does things without reason. Which kinda sucks, you know, having nothing to live for. No reason to get out of bed in the morning. But I also realized, that I do enjoy not having that anxiety in the back of my neck everyday. Not having to feel so jealous and paranoid, and I think I'm starting to get the hang of handling that, and "being happy" at the same time. That old all-too-familiar mask.  
  
But there's still something missing, and I kinda think it's you.  
  
Let's face it, all the best moments of my life, my favorite memories and the moments that I recall when I can say I was truly happy, you're in all of them - They're all with you. You're my other half, we're two halves that make a perfect whole, only lately that whole hasn't really been all that perfect... So that's why I suggested that we take a short break, if not for long, then at least til we get the NEWTS or whatever else out of the way and figure out the best way to function on our own before we both start trying to function together again.  
  
I dunno, maybe it's just me, coz seriously, right now, I have absolutely no idea how you're feeling about all this - you never told me - only that you were confused, and not whether that was a good thing or not, but I was too... As much as I knew it had to happen, I didn't want it to, and that's why I was so upset.  
  
I did think it was right at the time, that this relationship was getting too constricting, too demanding and too overwhelming for the both of us. We both seemed so miserable in it. Some people say that it's what you wanted, to break up, but I don't think that was it, cos when you want something, you at least try and get it, and you never said anything to me... then again maybe it was, who knows but you?  
  
At least now we can have some time to ourselves, to find who we are again, and maybe when we have, we'll find that we do still want to be together, and we'll be happy. Maybe that will be sooner than the exams, maybe it won't. But maybe we wont get back together, or one of us wont want to, and even though someone may get hurt, whatever happens is going to happen, and whatever happens, it'll probably be for the best. But you and I both know what I want to happen, and I don't think I'll change my mind, but if you do, I want you to know, that I wont hold it against you, but if you don't, I wont hold that against you either.  
  
I think this is a bit of a turning point in my life, I love the fact that I can still talk to you and spend time with you and have fun with you, without all the extra stress - the worry that I'll make you mad, or piss you off or disappoint you... And that you can do whatever you want without me nagging or getting annoyed or whatever.  
  
But I do miss you. And I miss being with you. That I think I miss the most - kissing you and just holding you, feeling you next to me, content and happy, just you and me, together... I dream about it every night, I long for it, and I fear it - that it may never be the same, that I may never hold you like that again - and that thought - that thought scares me to death.  
  
For two and a half years you were my lifeline, my support line, and in so many ways, you still are - but I have others too now, and I can function on my own again as well as with you, though I may prefer it with you, it doesn't HAVE to be that way. And I'm sure that makes you as happy as it does me.  
  
I'm not suggesting anything in this letter, only the things that I would have said had we discussed this, but we never did, and I just had to get this all out... even if you never read it. I just had to get it off my chest; I just had to get out how I feel, and how I feel like I've finally achieved some kind of balance in my life. But if you did read it, I'm glad. Because I wanted you to know.  
  
I want you to know I love you. I'll always love you, and I'll always want to be with you, even if it isn't right at the time or if it isn't possible. You'll always hold that very special place in my heart. Always. No matter what happens, I'll always love you, for the rest of my life...  
  
I just wanted you to know...  
  
I'll always be here, I'll always care, I'll always want you to be happy, and I'll always love you.  
  
And I'll always want what makes YOU happy.  
  
You're my best friend - the best boyfriend and the best lover I ever had - I hope we never lose the friendship, I hope we never forget the relationship, and I hope that one day, I'll get to hold you again - And have the chance to tell you, that I love you.  
  
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Well, just a short piece - it is actually a letter I sent to my ex after we broke up and I hadn't heard anything. I just edited it to fit for Draco, I barely changed anything, just the HSC to the newts and such.  
  
Oh well, I'm thinking about writing Harry's reply. what do you think?  
  
Any reviews would be great.  
  
Sami XoXo 


	2. Harry writes a letter back

Disclaimer: I don't own them, wish I did, but life's a bitch.  
  
Thankyou to everyone who reviewed!!! It's greatly appreciated, this reply is only here because of you guys!!! And just for the point of letting you all know, I never actually got a reply to that letter, but then, I've barely even spoken to them since. And it took me a while, but eventually I started getting on with my life, it's still hard though, but really, who cares about me, we're all here to read Harry's letter. So here it is, enjoy.  
  
Well, well, well. Draco gets a reply. Did he really treat Harry like an Angel? Lets find out how Harry feels shall we.  
  
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Dray,  
  
First of all, I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I guess I didn't think that you would get that upset, and again, I guess I was only thinking of myself.  
  
The truth is, I'm jealous. Jealous of everyone and everything that takes your attention away from me. And again I'm being a selfish bastard.  
  
But I love you; I love you more than anything I've ever loved before. You're my whole life, my whole world, and it's going to have to take something really big to change that. Bigger even than Voldermort and his petty obsession with trying to kill me.  
  
I didn't mean to hurt you intentionally. I didn't mean to hurt you at all. But you wanted to know if I was pissed, and I gave you my answer. Why did we have to fight?  
  
I think the truth is, it's gotten a little too involved for me, no involved isn't the right word, involved is good, I love you, I love being with you, I love knowing about you. I guess I was just confused. After everyone found out it just got way too hectic, ya know?  
  
Anyways, I think we need to sit down and talk about this whole thing, actually discuss what we each want and then try and come to some kind of compromise so that instead of one of us being happy, we can both be. I'm not saying it was you that made me unhappy, but we have to admit, I never felt like that before.  
  
We need to start spending quality time together for a while. Ok, this is getting corny, but my point is I LOVE YOU. And I liked it when the relationship was a relationship, when it wasn't just about sex or attention or competition, because it seems that's all we have time for these days, and I want it to be more than that.  
  
I think we need to go back to when we used to have time together, time for each other and I really think we need to get in touch, get together or call or something, unless you're avoiding me that is. And I wouldn't blame you if you were, I told you I wasn't good enough. I'm never good enough. I'm not you. I don't deserve someone like you. I never have, I never will. I'm no one special regardless of how I apparently keep saving the world, deep down I'm a coward; and it was my cowardice that hurt you. For that, again, I'm truly sorry.  
  
I've been a selfish prick. I'm sorry. You know what, I can't even express how sorry I am on a piece of paper. It's not the same as when we used to fight, when we used to sit down and talk and then cuddle and just hold each other late into the night. DAMMIT! See, Dray, you see what you've done to me? I can't stop thinking about you, you're always there, everywhere I look, every person I see, you're all around me but you're not at the same time and it's driving me insane.  
  
I LOVE YOU!!! You're everything to me, you always were, and I wish I could take it all back, but I can't now. and I want to kill myself for it. Yes, I'm miserable now. But don't let that get in the way of your happiness. I really can't go through another person telling me I've ruined their life. Funny thing is, I'd have given mine to have you.  
  
Honestly I don't think I'll be able to stand this.  
  
Fuck! God. All I wanted was for you to love me, that's all I want, I just want to be loved, by you, and only you. Because you're the one person I love.  
  
I'm trying not to be myself, and not to think the worst, I'm trying not to think that maybe you don't love me, even though you've said you do. I'm hoping for my life that you do still love me, and that this relationship will last for as long as we can possibly make it last.  
  
So hopefully we can talk it through and come to some sort of agreement that can make us both happy. And hopefully happy together.  
  
I'm not asking for much, in fact, I'm not asking for anything. I'm wishing. I'm pleading. I'm praying that you'd tell me you love me, just like you used to, I'm just wishing for that reassurance that you care. I don't care how you get it across to me, I don't care if you write it, type it, say it, show it, sing it, I don't care! God, now I sound like Dr. Seuss, see what too much crying can do, I think my tears may be alcoholic.  
  
But PLEASE, if you only do one last thing to do with me, please let it be this, please just somehow get the message across to me whether you care or not, if you still love me or not. I just need to know which it is. I don't think I could face loosing you again, I don't think I could face loosing the most gorgeous, talented, smart, amazing guy in my life, but even more importantly, I don't think I could stand to loose my best friend. My VERY best friend.  
  
I love you Draco, and I would do anything for you, you know that, I would die for you. I just want you to know that I still love you, I never stopped, and that I will always love you.  
  
I love you, Forever yours: Wonder Boy  
  
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Well, mwahahaha! Why did they fight, I hear you asking now, will Draco answer if for us in Ihis reply to Harry? Or will I just develop writers block and leave you all hanging? There's only so much you can write in a bunch of letters without starting to repeat yourself you know.  
  
Anyways, thnx for reading!!!  
  
Sami XoXo 


End file.
